Drunk and Disorderly
by NeSiQuis
Summary: One of Zack's parties gets out of control, and Angeal's none too happy about it.  What punishment will he, Genesis and Sephiroth devise for the junior SOLDIERS? No pairings, just more Zack mayhem!


Authors Notes: I had a lot of requests for a continuation of 'Childhood Pranks' and I'm considering some ideas at the moment, but in the meantime, have a new story! Yes, it's essay/exam time once more, and as such I'm writing again.

000

Angeal crossed his arms and glared. Ordinarily, the motley crew of 2nd and 3rd class SOLDIERs lined up in front of him would have withered under such a glare and prepared themselves for a long, hard day's training, either doing press-ups, squats and sit ups in the training room until they passed out, or running around Midgar until they passed out. Or both. Angeal had more than half a mind to order them to start doing so immediately, regardless of the state in which they had been escorted to him, but instead he sighed and addressed the leader of the drunken group.

"Well, SOLDIER? What do you have to say for yourself?"

Zack pulled himself up slightly, upsetting the delicate balance his 8 fellow SOLIDERs had formed around him in the centre of their poorly-executed line-up, each one using the others for support due to their total inability to stand upright on their own. There was a moment of drunken, garbled complaints as the SOLDIERs grabbed one another to steady themselves, and the whole group wobbled dangerously before steadying itself once more.

"Well y'see, s'like this, 'Geal… Jono jus' made 2nd, an' we couldn't NOT go out an' cel-, celer-, celerate, CELEBRATE! Yeah, celebrate, could we?"

"Celebration is one thing, Zack. What you actually all got up to was another thing entirely! The SOLDIER floor is an utter wreck! You almost completely trashed the Sub Zero club in Sector 4-"

"Ah!" Zack held up a finger, which upset his precarious balance, and caused him to sway from side to side as he did, the group around him also swaying. "Not our fault! Someone threw a chair at Jono 'cos he was hittin' on this girl…" He turned to the SOLDIER in question. "Didya get her number after all tha', Jo?" The SOLDIER's face screwed up as he processed this thought with evident difficulty.

"Can't 'member. Hang on, gonna check." Jono fished his phone out of his pocket and, closing one eye in order to focus on the screen, he scrolled through his contacts. "AH HA! Yeah, got it." The SOLDIER grinned smugly and Zack leaned over to give the man a high five. This ruined the balance of the utterly smashed group, and one of the men on the end of the row crashed to the floor, snoring loudly almost before he hit the ground.

"Huh, 3rd classes ain't got no stum- stem- STAMINA! HA!" Zack slurred, and snorted in amusement.

"If you're quite finished." The SOLDIERs' attention returned abruptly to their Commander, who looked even more displeased than before. The grins disappeared from their faces as fast as the alcohol they had consumed earlier that night had disappeared from the bottles.

Angeal continued. "After the fight at the club, you somewhat ill-advisedly returned to the ShinRa building and continued drinking. You looted Materia from the Science department, raided the Turks' floor and turned half of their personnel into various animals-"

"Heh, was funny! Reno's a cute chocobo!"

Ignoring Zack, Angeal went on, "Then you proceeded to the SOLDIER floor, occupied the SOLDIER lounge and blasted music as loud as it would go, disturbing Commander Rhapsodos, General Sephiroth, myself and most of the ShinRa building!"

"We needed to finish our party!" Zack cried indignantly, as if this was a completely justified course of action which should have been obvious to everyone.

Another SOLDIER reached his limit at this particular moment, passing out and collapsing backwards slowly, going from upright to horizontal without so much as a single knee bending. The rest of the group burst into sniggers.

"ENOUGH!"

The remaining, conscious SOLDIERs sobered up slightly under the weight of Angeal's displeasure. Just then, Genesis arrived, partly to help Angeal with his disciplinary task and partly to mess with the younger, lower ranking SOLDIERs.

"Well, well. What have we here?" Genesis smirked at the inebriated gathering. Zack gulped slightly, knowing whatever punishment Angeal was likely to give them, however exhausting, would be infinitely preferable to whatever cruel notion Genesis would concoct and inflict upon them, and hoped beyond hope that it would be Angeal who disciplined them, not Genesis.

Genesis' gaze zeroed in on Zack. "Of course, Zack the Puppy. I might have known. This is the group who disturbed my reading then, I take it?"

"And my reports." Sephiroth had glided up the corridor behind the SOLDIERs undetected. A few of the intoxicated SOLDIERs gulped noticeably and sobered up further as the gravity of their situation became clearer.

Faced with the top three SOLDIERs in the company, the group all but huddled together under the combined displeasure of their commanding officers. Just then, an idea struck Angeal. He left them to stew for a little longer while making up his mind.

"I hear one of your fan-clubs is putting on a production of Loveless, Genesis. Is this true?"

Genesis looked puzzled at his childhood friend's sudden departure from the disciplinary proceedings. "Yes, why do you ask?"

"Only, I also hear that they're short of volunteers to take part in the play."

A wicked grin spread over Genesis' face as he caught on to Angeal's unspoken implication.

"Yes, sadly that is true. Though how anyone could not be eager to participate in a demonstration of the greatest literature this world has produced is quite beyond me."

"Quite." Sephiroth chimed in, eager to join in with the game. "Such a travesty. Something ought to be done. Perhaps we could even round up a few 'volunteers' to rectify this appalling situation."

In spite of their drunken states, the SOLDIERs watching this exchange felt a chill creep over them, as though something was not quite right. Zack's face was a picture of puzzlement as he tried to figure out the older men's intentions.

"Wha'?"

The three Firsts grinned.

000

"Infinite-in-mystery-is-the-gift-of-the-goddess-"

"NO! No, no, no, start again, and go SLOWER. And put some emotion into it! You're not an automaton! This is an epic tale of love, honour and friendship! Put yourself in the place of the men, seeking this gift of inconceivable value, try to feel, to understand the importance that the gift holds for them, the lure of the unknown, the promise of the future, the excitement of this quest-" Genesis' instructions were cut off as abruptly as he himself had cut off Zack's recitation as the Second butted in again.

"WHAT? How am I supposed to convey all of that? It's one tiny verse!"

"You have the emotional depth and artistic range of a teaspoon, Zackary Fair. But you're the one who got yourself into this, so I expect to see some effort from you, or I'll devise an alternative punishment." Genesis smirked evilly, and Zack narrowed his eyes and started again.

"Infinite in MYSTERY is the GIFT of the GODDESS…"

Zack continued his narration, inwardly hating his life and swearing NEVER to touch alcohol again. After this rehearsal he had a training session with Angeal. _Huh, training! More like TORTURE._ Apparently deciding that the play wasn't enough punishment for them, he'd organised extra sessions for them all, doing the most boring and repetitive exercises he could think of, to be completed in absolute silence. Zack was actually starting to hate squats.

But nothing, nothing was as bad as having to narrate Loveless over and over again.

Zack finished his recitation. Genesis smiled.

"Better."

Zack sagged in relief.

"Again."

_Oh gods…_

"INFINITE in MYSTERY is the gift of the GODDESS…"

~END~


End file.
